Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
GROUCHO MARXMarriage is the chief cause of divorce.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
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Room service? Send up a larger room.
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While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
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Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
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In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat.
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Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
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I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
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Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
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I think women are sexy when they got some clothes on. And if later they take them off then you’ve triumphed.
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Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
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Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
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Anything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
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She’s so in love with me, she doesn’t know anything. That’s why she’s in love with me.
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He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
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Here’s to our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX






