My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARXEveryone must believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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If I hold you any closer I’ll be in back of you!
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Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
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Go, and never darken my towels again.
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Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others.
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A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.
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I only write first editions.
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Room service? Send up a larger room.
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Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.
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Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
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We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
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If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
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A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
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Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
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A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX






