Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARXMy mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
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Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
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Everyone must believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
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I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.
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Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
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In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat.
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Once I put it down I couldn’t pick it back up.
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Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
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Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy
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Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
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Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
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All people are born alike except Republicans and Democrats.
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Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
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You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.
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The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.
GROUCHO MARX