Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
GROUCHO MARXThe secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
GROUCHO MARX -
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
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Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX -
I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.
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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
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No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
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I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
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Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
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You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.
GROUCHO MARX -
Room service? Send up a larger room.
GROUCHO MARX -
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX -
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
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Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
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Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.
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Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX