A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.
GROUCHO MARXThe secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX -
Whatever it is, I’m against it.
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A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
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He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
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Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
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Time wounds all heels.
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When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
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Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
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Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.
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My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
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In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat.
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Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
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I only write first editions.
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Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman.
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She’s so in love with me, she doesn’t know anything. That’s why she’s in love with me.
GROUCHO MARX