Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARXThe secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX -
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX -
Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.
GROUCHO MARX -
I only write first editions.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
GROUCHO MARX -
Don’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.
GROUCHO MARX -
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
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Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX -
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
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I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.
GROUCHO MARX -
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
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I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX -
The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.
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If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX