The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
GEORGE CARLINThe main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
More George Carlin Quotes
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If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you’re gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
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I don’t have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
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The safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.
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People always tell me “Have a nice day.” Well what if I don’t want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Is there another word for synonym?
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
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I’m happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Pardon me I’ve got nothing to say.
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I’ll bet there aren’t too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
GEORGE CARLIN -
The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot.
GEORGE CARLIN