Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
GEORGE CARLINI have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom.
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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
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The safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.
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Don’t give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.
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Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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Electricity is really just organized lightning.
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.
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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
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Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
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There’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
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What do dogs do on their day off?; Can’t lie around – that’s their job!
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I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
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Let a smile be your umbrella, and you’ll end up with a face full of rain.
GEORGE CARLIN