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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

George Carlin

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More George Carlin Quotes

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  If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.

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• 

  If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

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• 

  Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

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• 

  The God excuse, the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument.

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• 

  Let a smile be your umbrella, and you’ll end up with a face full of rain.

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• 

  Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

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• 

  Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.

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• 

  The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.

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• 

  It’s never just a game when you’re winning.

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• 

  Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

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• 

  I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.

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• 

  The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

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• 

  Everyone smiles in the same language.

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• 

  Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.

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• 

  The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot.

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• 

  If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

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