Religion is like a pair of shoes. Find one that fits for you, but don’t make me wear your shoes.
GEORGE CARLINThe wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot.
More George Carlin Quotes
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
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There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords.
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The older you get, the better you realize you were.
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I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
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The God excuse, the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument.
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Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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Don’t confuse me with those who cling to hope.
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A good motto to live by: ‘Always try not to get killed.
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If we could only find out who’s in charge, we could kill him.
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If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
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Life is tough, then you die.
GEORGE CARLIN







