Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
GEORGE CARLINOne good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
More George Carlin Quotes
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The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
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How can he be perfect? Everything he ever makes, dies.
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I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic.
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People always tell me “Have a nice day.” Well what if I don’t want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
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The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
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Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it’s trying to save its body.
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Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name.
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Religion is just mind control.
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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
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Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.
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If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
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A cat will blink when struck with a hammer.
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Pardon me I’ve got nothing to say.
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Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
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The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.
GEORGE CARLIN