So, have a little fun. Soon enough you’ll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
GEORGE CARLINOne good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
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Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
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If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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People can’t seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure.
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Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.
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The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
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How can he be perfect? Everything he ever makes, dies.
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Some people have no idea what they’re doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
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Is there another word for synonym?
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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
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Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.
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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
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The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
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I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
GEORGE CARLIN