Religion is like a pair of shoes. Find one that fits for you, but don’t make me wear your shoes.
GEORGE CARLINOne good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
More George Carlin Quotes
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I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic.
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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The main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
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I’ve never owned a telescope, but it’s something I’m thinking of looking into.
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The God excuse, the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument.
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If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you’re gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
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Life is tough, then you die.
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If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
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The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
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When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot’s hands.
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Electricity is really just organized lightning.
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What do dogs do on their day off?; Can’t lie around – that’s their job!
GEORGE CARLIN