If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
GEORGE CARLINOne good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
More George Carlin Quotes
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When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot’s hands.
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Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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The God excuse, the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument.
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Everyone smiles in the same language.
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People always tell me “Have a nice day.” Well what if I don’t want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
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The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
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Let a smile be your umbrella, and you’ll end up with a face full of rain.
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Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.
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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
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Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.
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Always do whatever’s next.
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Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it’s trying to save its body.
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If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you’re gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
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I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
GEORGE CARLIN