Don’t confuse me with those who cling to hope.
GEORGE CARLINOne good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
More George Carlin Quotes
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With the proper training, I could’ve been an evil genius.
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The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
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Always do whatever’s next.
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Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
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There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords.
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The safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.
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I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
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Life is not measured by the breathes you take, but by the moments that take your breathe away.
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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
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The older you get, the better you realize you were.
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
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Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.
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So, have a little fun. Soon enough you’ll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
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When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot’s hands.
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I’m happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.
GEORGE CARLIN