Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
GEORGE CARLINReligion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
More George Carlin Quotes
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I’ll bet there aren’t too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
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The safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.
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Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
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Let a smile be your umbrella, and you’ll end up with a face full of rain.
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If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
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Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
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Don’t confuse me with those who cling to hope.
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I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
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The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.
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There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.
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There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
GEORGE CARLIN