Religion is like a pair of shoes. Find one that fits for you, but don’t make me wear your shoes.
GEORGE CARLINReligion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
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There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.
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I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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If we could only find out who’s in charge, we could kill him.
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
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Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
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So, have a little fun. Soon enough you’ll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
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The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
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Although the photographer and the art thief were close friends, neither had ever taken the other’s picture.
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The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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People always tell me “Have a nice day.” Well what if I don’t want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
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Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
GEORGE CARLIN