Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
GEORGE CARLINSome people have no idea what they’re doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Always do whatever’s next.
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The safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.
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Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.
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Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
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It’s never just a game when you’re winning.
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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
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Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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Religion is like a pair of shoes. Find one that fits for you, but don’t make me wear your shoes.
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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
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Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.
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The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
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Life is not measured by the breathes you take, but by the moments that take your breathe away.
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Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
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With the proper training, I could’ve been an evil genius.
GEORGE CARLIN