The safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.
GEORGE CARLINWeather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.
More George Carlin Quotes
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The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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Religion is just mind control.
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The older you get, the better you realize you were.
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So, have a little fun. Soon enough you’ll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
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I’ll bet there aren’t too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
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Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
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Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
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Meow means woof in cat.
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Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.
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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
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Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom.
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Some people have no idea what they’re doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
GEORGE CARLIN