Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
GEORGE CARLINThink of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
More George Carlin Quotes
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People can’t seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure.
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Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
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I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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The God excuse, the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument.
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What do dogs do on their day off?; Can’t lie around – that’s their job!
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So, have a little fun. Soon enough you’ll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
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Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?
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I’m happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.
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If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
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It’s important in life if you don’t give a shit. It can help you a lot.
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People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can’t do math.
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Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.
GEORGE CARLIN