Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
GEORGE CARLINThe caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
More George Carlin Quotes
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The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.
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Some people have no idea what they’re doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
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The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
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There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
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Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
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Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
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The God excuse, the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument.
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It’s never just a game when you’re winning.
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Religion is just mind control.
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The main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
GEORGE CARLIN