The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
GEORGE CARLINThe caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
More George Carlin Quotes
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I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic.
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When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot’s hands.
GEORGE CARLIN -
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
GEORGE CARLIN -
If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
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I don’t have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
GEORGE CARLIN -
There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
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The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
GEORGE CARLIN -
Electricity is really just organized lightning.
GEORGE CARLIN -
How can he be perfect? Everything he ever makes, dies.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
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I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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I’ve never owned a telescope, but it’s something I’m thinking of looking into.
GEORGE CARLIN