The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
GEORGE CARLINThe caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
More George Carlin Quotes
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The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot.
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
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Pardon me I’ve got nothing to say.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name.
GEORGE CARLIN -
A cat will blink when struck with a hammer.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
GEORGE CARLIN -
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
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With the proper training, I could’ve been an evil genius.
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Let a smile be your umbrella, and you’ll end up with a face full of rain.
GEORGE CARLIN -
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
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If we could only find out who’s in charge, we could kill him.
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Some people have no idea what they’re doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
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So, have a little fun. Soon enough you’ll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
GEORGE CARLIN -
A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
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People can’t seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure.
GEORGE CARLIN