I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
GEORGE CARLINThe caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
More George Carlin Quotes
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There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
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Don’t confuse me with those who cling to hope.
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A cat will blink when struck with a hammer.
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If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
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Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
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Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
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Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.
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Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it’s trying to save its body.
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
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Always do whatever’s next.
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If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
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A good motto to live by: ‘Always try not to get killed.
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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
GEORGE CARLIN