If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
GEORGE CARLINIf a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
GEORGE CARLINRegarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it’s trying to save its body.
GEORGE CARLINMen are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
GEORGE CARLINThere are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords.
GEORGE CARLINIt’s important in life if you don’t give a shit. It can help you a lot.
GEORGE CARLINWell, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?
GEORGE CARLINMeow means woof in cat.
GEORGE CARLINDon’t confuse me with those who cling to hope.
GEORGE CARLINJust when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
GEORGE CARLINThe safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.
GEORGE CARLINWhen you step on the brakes your life is in your foot’s hands.
GEORGE CARLINThere’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
GEORGE CARLINSome people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
GEORGE CARLINThe planet is fine. The people are fucked.
GEORGE CARLINThe reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
GEORGE CARLINWe are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.
GEORGE CARLIN