If I’d known how many problems I was going to run into before I finished, I can’t remember a single project I would have started.
ANDY ROONEYWould a real man get caught eating a twinkie?
More Andy Rooney Quotes
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I’ve learned that we should be glad God doesn’t give us everything we ask for.
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Unfortunately, propaganda works.
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Looking and not finding is certainly one of the most frustrating ways to spend time.
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When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper.
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I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you.
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Conservatives are more religious than liberals–although there is no evidence that they’re nicer people because of it.
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I’ve learned… That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.
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I don’t like food that’s too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I’d buy a painting.
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One of the sweetest things in life: a letter from a friend.
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I’ve learned, That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.
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A cat’s idea of a ‘good time’ is to kill something.
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I’ve learned that no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.
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All of us talk faster than we listen.
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Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing it.
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Never trust the food in a restaurant on top of the tallest building in town that spends a lot of time folding napkins.
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I’ve learned That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.
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We need people who can actually do things. We have too many bosses and too few workers.
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Don’t take a butcher’s advice on how to cook meat. If he knew, he’d be a chef.
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I’ve learned, That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
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Small daily happenings make life spectacular. Start enjoying the small things in life!
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Christians talk as though goodness was their idea but good behavior doesn’t have any religious origin. Our prisons are filled with the devout.
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The fastest thing computers do is go obsolete.
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I had one typewriter for 50 years, but I have bought seven computers in six years. I suppose that’s why Bill Gates is rich, and Underwood is out of business.
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Half the cookbooks tell you how to cook the food and the other half tell you how to avoid eating it.
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Go to bed. Whatever you’re staying up late for isn’t worth it.
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I just wish this social institution [religion] wasnt based on what appears to me to be a monumental hoax built on an accumulation of customs and myths directed toward proving something that isnt true.
ANDY ROONEY