“If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?”

Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

It’s never just a game when you’re winning.

The safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.

Always do whatever’s next.

If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.

Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name.

I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.

If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.

What do dogs do on their day off?; Can’t lie around – that’s their job!

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

Minds are in limited supply, and each mind has a limited capacity for memes, and hence there is considerable competition among memes for entry in as many minds as possible.

God has arranged everything in the universe in consideration of everything else.

With a great poet the sense of Beauty overcomes every other consideration, or rather obliterates all consideration.

I often considered whether there could perhaps be found a more reasonable arrangement of circles.

There is not such a cradle of democracy upon the earth as the Free Public Library, this republic of letters, where neither rank, office, nor wealth receives the slightest consideration.

Ram always put others before him not because he was selfless, but because he considered everything and everyone as a part of his self.

I am so old that I can remember when other people’s achievements were considered to be an inspiration, rather than a grievance.

To be honest, I never really considered myself to be too much of an actress. So, whenever I get the chance to do music, I’m always, like, just in it. It’s like, ‘Oh my God, I finally get to do this. I’m so happy.’