Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
GROUCHO MARXYesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX -
Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while
GROUCHO MARX -
Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX -
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX -
In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat.
GROUCHO MARX -
A very interesting theory makes no sense at all.
GROUCHO MARX -
I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX -
Don’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.
GROUCHO MARX -
My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX -
If I hold you any closer I’ll be in back of you!
GROUCHO MARX -
Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
GROUCHO MARX -
Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX -
While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX -
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
GROUCHO MARX -
We left New York drunk and early on the morning of February second.
GROUCHO MARX