Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARXA year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
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I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
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Once I put it down I couldn’t pick it back up.
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I’ve got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
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She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
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Here’s to our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet!
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Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
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Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
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Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others.
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Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
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I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
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I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.
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If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
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All people are born alike except Republicans and Democrats.
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If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
GROUCHO MARX






