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From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

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Book Humour Laughter Moments Read

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX

Calm Deep Despair Laughter One Liner Peace
Once I put it down I couldn’t pick it back up.
GROUCHO MARX

Attitude Down Human Nature Myself Pick
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX

Attitude Insult One Liner Remind Talk Time
If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX

Hear Memories Past Stop Story
Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX

Best Friend Book Darkness Dog Friendship Read
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
GROUCHO MARX

Cause Chief Divorce Marriage One Liner
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX

Animal Black Cat Cross Funny Humour Path
I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX

Exception Face Forget Humour
Anything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
GROUCHO MARX

Bed Inspirational Lazy One Liner Worth
I’ve got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX

Beat Confidence Goodness Head Mind Revenge War
Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
GROUCHO MARX

Die Halfway Heaven One Liner West
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX

Demotivate Idiot Insult Life Stupidity
My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX

Children Love Mother
Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.
GROUCHO MARX

Channel Cry Laugh Selfish Watch World
I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX

Crazy Decent Life Meal Place Reality
Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
GROUCHO MARX

Arrive Dead Future Happiness Inspirational Life Past Present
Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX

Bless Crack Light One Liner
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX

Die Forever Inspirational One Liner Positive Try
Somebody once said it’s what you dont see you’re interested in, and this is true.
GROUCHO MARX

Interest Naked Sex True
Whatever it is, I’m against it.
GROUCHO MARX

Against Attitude
All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX

Die Genius One Liner Young
I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.
GROUCHO MARX

Dreamss Hairs Nurse Red Romance
I only write first editions.
GROUCHO MARX

Attitude Edition One Liner Writing
I think women are sexy when they got some clothes on. And if later they take them off then you’ve triumphed.
GROUCHO MARX

Clothes Sex Sexy Triumphed Women
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX

Army Contradiction Intelligence Military One Liner
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX

Enough Learning Mistake Yourself
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy
GROUCHO MARX

Freedom Money Thinking

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