“From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.”

Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.

While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.

Go, and never darken my towels again.

When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.

She’s so in love with me, she doesn’t know anything. That’s why she’s in love with me.

Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.

All geniuses die young.

A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.

Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.

I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.

If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.

I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.

Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

Nobody can take away from you those texts from the Bible which you have learned by heart.

Mallarme said that everything in the world exists in order to end in a book. Today everything exists to end in a photograph.

That Book (the BIBLE) accounts for the supremacy of England

If I read a book and it makes my whole body so cold no fire can ever warm me, I know that is poetry.

Religion and faith are very personal matters. So far as the government is concerned, there is only one holy book, which is the Constitution of India.

You can predict a persons future and divine his bank balance if you know two things: the books he reads, the people he associates with.

Put away the book, the description, the tradition, the authority, and take the journey of self-discovery.

A good book is an education of the heart. It enlarges your sense of human possibility what human nature is of what happens in the world. It’s a creator of inwardness.