Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARXTime wounds all heels.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
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Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
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I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
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While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
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A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
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I have nothing but respect for you and not much of that.
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Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
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She’s so in love with me, she doesn’t know anything. That’s why she’s in love with me.
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We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
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If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
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Well, art is art, isn’t it? Still, on the other hand, water is water!
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She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
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I intend to live forever, or die trying.
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Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others.
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Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
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If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
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I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
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I must admit, I was born at an early age.
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If I hold you any closer I’ll be in back of you!
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I only write first editions.
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I love to read. My education is self-inflicted.
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Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
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Any place I hang my head is home.
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If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
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Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while
GROUCHO MARX