“It’s never just a game when you’re winning.”

The safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.

Always do whatever’s next.

If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.

Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name.

I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.

If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.

What do dogs do on their day off?; Can’t lie around – that’s their job!

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

You don’t have to knock anyone off their game to win yours. It doesn’t build you up to tear others down.

I make funny videos of me playing video games, and I share those moments.

The only thing I really like doing during the week is getting ready to play the game.

Once you accept that playing the game will be uncomfortable, and you do it for a while, it will become much easier (like it does when getting fit). When you excel at it, you will find your ability to get what you want thrilling.

Leadership is not a popularity contest; it’s about leaving your ego at the door. The name of the game is to lead without a title.

The game is in a neutral country for both teams.

Soccer is a magical game.

You have to start over. That’s what they say. But life is not a board game, and losing a loved one is never really “starting over.” More like “continuing without.