“The safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.”

Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name.

I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.

If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.

What do dogs do on their day off?; Can’t lie around – that’s their job!

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.

How many fears came between us? Earthquakes, diseases, wars where hell rained smoldering pus from skies made of winged death.

All the Muslims are happy, and Godwilling this earthquake… will be felt right up to the White House.

This [the earthquake] was a very big influence on me, and the issue of life and death from then on does recur in my films.

People in Japan have experienced many tsunamis and various earthquakes throughout the ages.

Soon the earth will tilt on its axis and begin to dance to the reggae beat to the accompaniment of earthquake.

It is not light that we need, but fire; it is not the gentle shower, but thunder. We need the storm, the whirlwind, and the earthquake.

All Earthquakes and Disasters are warnings; there’s too much corruption in the world.

Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision.