What do dogs do on their day off?; Can’t lie around – that’s their job!
GEORGE CARLINThere are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
More George Carlin Quotes
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There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.
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Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.
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I don’t have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
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Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it’s trying to save its body.
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Don’t confuse me with those who cling to hope.
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If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
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Let a smile be your umbrella, and you’ll end up with a face full of rain.
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The safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.
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Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords.
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I’ll bet there aren’t too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
GEORGE CARLIN