If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
GEORGE CARLINJust when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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I’ll bet there aren’t too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
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Don’t confuse me with those who cling to hope.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Life is not measured by the breathes you take, but by the moments that take your breathe away.
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Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.
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The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot.
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I’m happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
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If we could only find out who’s in charge, we could kill him.
GEORGE CARLIN -
A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
GEORGE CARLIN -
If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Is there another word for synonym?
GEORGE CARLIN -
The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
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The safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
GEORGE CARLIN