I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.
GROUCHO MARXNo one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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I have nothing but respect for you and not much of that.
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If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong.
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I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.
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Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX -
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
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Once I put it down I couldn’t pick it back up.
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Anything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
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Time wounds all heels.
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Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others.
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Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX -
Everyone must believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
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I think women are sexy when they got some clothes on. And if later they take them off then you’ve triumphed.
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I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
GROUCHO MARX -
I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX