Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
GEORGE CARLINOne good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
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Don’t confuse me with those who cling to hope.
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Always do whatever’s next.
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Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?
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The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
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Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
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People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can’t do math.
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If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
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The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
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Electricity is really just organized lightning.
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Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name.
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Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
GEORGE CARLIN