I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARXDo you mind if I don’t smoke?
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX -
I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
GROUCHO MARX -
The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.
GROUCHO MARX -
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX -
A very interesting theory makes no sense at all.
GROUCHO MARX -
Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
GROUCHO MARX -
No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
GROUCHO MARX -
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
GROUCHO MARX -
Everyone must believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
GROUCHO MARX -
If I hold you any closer I’ll be in back of you!
GROUCHO MARX -
Here’s to our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX -
Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
GROUCHO MARX -
If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX






