Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
GEORGE CARLINThe IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Some people have no idea what they’re doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
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I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
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Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom.
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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
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Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.
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I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic.
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Don’t confuse me with those who cling to hope.
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If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
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I’ve never owned a telescope, but it’s something I’m thinking of looking into.
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Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
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We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.
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Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
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If your kid needs a role model and you ain’t it, you’re both fucked.
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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
GEORGE CARLIN