The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
GROUCHO MARXAnything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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The only real laughter comes from despair.
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Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
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I only write first editions.
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Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
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Anything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
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I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
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I’ve got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
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Humour is reason gone mad.
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I love to read. My education is self-inflicted.
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Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.
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Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
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If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong.
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Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
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If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
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He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX