I’ve been looking for a girl like you – not you, but a girl like you.
GROUCHO MARXAnything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX -
Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
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Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
GROUCHO MARX -
She’s so in love with me, she doesn’t know anything. That’s why she’s in love with me.
GROUCHO MARX -
All geniuses die young.
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Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
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We left New York drunk and early on the morning of February second.
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A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
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Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
GROUCHO MARX -
Humour is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX -
Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while
GROUCHO MARX -
In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat.
GROUCHO MARX -
A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX -
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
GROUCHO MARX -
I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX -
Here’s to our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX -
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
GROUCHO MARX -
I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
GROUCHO MARX -
Well, art is art, isn’t it? Still, on the other hand, water is water!
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She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX -
I have nothing but respect for you and not much of that.
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If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
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Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
GROUCHO MARX -
You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.
GROUCHO MARX