When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
GROUCHO MARXAnything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
GROUCHO MARX -
Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
GROUCHO MARX -
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX -
I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong.
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Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
GROUCHO MARX -
Room service? Send up a larger room.
GROUCHO MARX -
We left New York drunk and early on the morning of February second.
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My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX -
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
GROUCHO MARX -
I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
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In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat.
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I only write first editions.
GROUCHO MARX -
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX