“Don’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.”

I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.

I’ve been looking for a girl like you – not you, but a girl like you.

Whatever it is, I’m against it.

Humour is reason gone mad.

Why, look at me. I’ve worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman.

I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat.

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?

Who says Television isn’t educational, as soon as the T.V. comes on I read a book.

Any place I hang my head is home.

We all love the first Rocky, but I’m not too sure about the last one.

There are pieces of you in all the things you have loved. This is how we live forever.

I know you’ve heard it a thousand times before. But it’s true – hard work pays off. If you want to be good, you have to practice, practice, practice. If you don’t love something, then don’t do it.

I have never known what happiness really means, but I’m sure it sounds a lot like your name.

God sees in you a masterpiece about to happen.

With love, there are so many layers to it that you can write all day about it. It’s not just heartbreak or falling in love; there’s so many different ways to look at it.

Hold a heart in love and watch the spell of pain be broken.

Your heart breaks making space for the light. See those tiny cracks, I’m going to embrace you here, hold you tight and never let go.