“In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat.”

Humour is reason gone mad.

Why, look at me. I’ve worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

Don’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.

Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman.

I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?

Who says Television isn’t educational, as soon as the T.V. comes on I read a book.

Any place I hang my head is home.

Everyone must believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.

We left New York drunk and early on the morning of February second.

Well, art is art, isn’t it? Still, on the other hand, water is water!

The game has its ups and downs, but you can never lose focus of your individual goals and you can’t let yourself be beat because of lack of effort.

Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

Beat your opponent where he is strongest, and you demoralize him.

If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

That’s the way you feel when you’re beaten inside. You don’t feel angry at those who’ve beaten you. You just feel ashamed.

Continued innovation is the best way to beat the competition.

Behind the mask of ice that people wear, there beats a heart of fire.