Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
GEORGE CARLINMeow means woof in cat.
More George Carlin Quotes
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We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.
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The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
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I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
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Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
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Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
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If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
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Meow means woof in cat.
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Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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Some people have no idea what they’re doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
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If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
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People always tell me “Have a nice day.” Well what if I don’t want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
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I don’t have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
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If we could only find out who’s in charge, we could kill him.
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The safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.
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Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
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Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
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I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
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The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.
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There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords.
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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
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I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
GEORGE CARLIN