“Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.”

People always tell me “Have a nice day.” Well what if I don’t want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?

A good motto to live by: ‘Always try not to get killed.

Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

It’s never just a game when you’re winning.

The safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.

Always do whatever’s next.

If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.

Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name.

I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.

If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.

What do dogs do on their day off?; Can’t lie around – that’s their job!

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.

Show me a man of average ability but extraordinary desire and I will show you a winner everytime.

I always inspired by the doubt of being an average person. 

I can reach people the average person can’t reach because I’m as grounded as I am.

You truly are the average of the 5 people you surround yourself with.

Average people can’t stand with people who are chasing success.

Intelligent individuals learn from every thing and every one; average people, from their experiences. The stupid already have all the answers.

I am only an average man, but by George, I work harder at it than the average man.

If I’m going to be anything more than average, if anyone is going to remember me, then I need to go further, in art, in life, in everything!