From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
GROUCHO MARXI’ve got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.
GROUCHO MARX -
I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
GROUCHO MARX -
Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX -
If I hold you any closer I’ll be in back of you!
GROUCHO MARX -
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX -
While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX -
Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman.
GROUCHO MARX -
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX -
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX -
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX -
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy
GROUCHO MARX -
If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
GROUCHO MARX -
Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
GROUCHO MARX -
Whatever it is, I’m against it.
GROUCHO MARX -
She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX