Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARXI’ve got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX -
Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX -
I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX -
A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX -
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX -
The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX -
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX -
I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.
GROUCHO MARX -
Room service? Send up a larger room.
GROUCHO MARX -
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX -
Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
GROUCHO MARX -
Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
GROUCHO MARX -
I must admit, I was born at an early age.
GROUCHO MARX -
Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
GROUCHO MARX