“Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else.”

A vision, without a plan, is just a hallucination.

It isn’t what we don’t know that gives us trouble, it’s what we know that ain’t so.

It is awful hard to get people interested in corruption unless they can get some of it.

The farmer has to be an optimist or he wouldn’t still be a farmer.

There is one guaranteed formula for failure, and that is to try to please everyone.

Never let yesterday use up too much of today.

There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.

An onion can make people cry but there’s never been a vegetable that can make people laugh.

The man who never makes a mistake must get tired of doing nothing.

The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.

A man only learns in two ways, one by reading, and the other by association with smarter people.

There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.

There is nothing so stupid as the educated man if you get him off the thing he was educated in.

You know horses are smarter than people. You never heard of a horse going broke betting on people.

You’ve got to go out on a limb sometimes because that’s where the fruit is.

If advertisers spent the same amount of money on improving their products as they do on advertising then they wouldn’t have to advertise them.