I’m a hero with coward’s legs.
SPIKE MILLIGANMy father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
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I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)
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If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.
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Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light.
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We haven’t got a plan so nothing can go wrong!
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I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
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Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death.
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Its all in the mind, you know.
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Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
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All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
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Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
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I’m Irish. We think sideways.
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I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe’s singing until somebody told me that it wasn’t a joke.
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Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
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You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
SPIKE MILLIGAN