When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
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One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
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I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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I’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice – I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
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Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD