The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDThe way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
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With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we’ll never see each other!
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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If it wasn’t for pick-pockets I’d have no sex life at all.
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Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie.’ He said ‘God beat me to it.’
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
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It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.
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I met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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I’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice – I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
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I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD