I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDThe way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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My wife can’t cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
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I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
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I met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette.
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Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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My cousin’s gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD