Ambrose Bierce Quotes

The only distinction that democracies reward is a high degree of conformity.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Confirm Degree Democracy Reward
The covers of this book are too far apart.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Book Distance
Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Leadership Philosophy Road
Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Company Interior Laughter Noise
What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Believe Country Democracy Oneself Ruin
Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one’s own opinion.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Belief Manifestation Opinion Statement
Democracy is four wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Democracy Lamb Lunch Vote Wolf
Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Ambition Death Desire Enemy Friendship
Riot – A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Entertainment Innocent Military Popular
Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Act Repeat Word
War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.
AMBROSE BIERCE

God Place Teaching War
IMAGINATION, n. A warehouse of facts, with poet and liar in joint ownership.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Fact Imagination Lying Poet
LIFE, n. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay. We live in daily apprehension of its loss; yet when lost it is not missed.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Body Life Missing Spiritual
Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Disguised Patience Virtue
Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Fear Hope Ignorance Known Religion
Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Angry Best Regret Talk Yourself
RUMOR, n. A favorite weapon of the assassins of character.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Assassination Character Weapon
REFLECTION,n: An Action of the mind whereby we obtain a clearer view of our relation to the things of yesterday and are able to avoid the perils that we shall not again encounter.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Avoid Mindset Ourselves Reflection Relationship
You don’t have to be stupid to be a Christian, but it probably helps.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Help Religion Stupidity
PITY, n. A failing sense of exemption, inspired by contrast.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Contrast Fall Sense
Responsibility, n. A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one’s neighbor. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Astrology Custom Easy Fate God Responsibility
There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Instrument Worst
Forgetfulness – a gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Conscience Destitution Forget Gift God
Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Animal Digest Eat Goodness Man Science
ULTIMATUM, n. In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Concession Demand Resort
The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Fall Hard Himself Man
Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original earth clinging to the roots.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Appearance Earth Face Genius God Leaving Nature Original Root Woman

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