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The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff.

Ambrose Bierce

Age, with his eyes in the back of his head, thinks it wisdom to see the bogs through which he has floundered.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Age Head Himself See Thinking Wisdom
There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Instrument Worst
Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Art Human Limitation Reason Thinking Understand
Prescription: A physician’s guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Harm Patient Prescription Situation
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Analysis Delusion Himself Philosophy
You don’t have to be stupid to be a Christian, but it probably helps.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Help Religion Stupidity
Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original earth clinging to the roots.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Appearance Earth Face Genius God Leaving Nature Original Root Woman
Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Appearance Art Color Fools White
Democracy is four wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Democracy Lamb Lunch Vote Wolf
Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.
AMBROSE BIERCE

God Man One Liner Reason Sleep
Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Brain Science Thinking
Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.
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Community Marriage Master Mistress Slave
Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
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Act Repeat Word
Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.
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Death Money Person Praise Wealth
Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.
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Affair Assurance Future Happiness Prosperity Time
ULTIMATUM, n. In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Concession Demand Resort
True, man does not know woman. But neither does woman.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Man Philosophy True Woman
Consul – in American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.
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Administration Condition Country Failure Himself Leaving Person Politics Security
PAIN, n. An uncomfortable frame of mind that may have a physical basis in something that is being done to the body, or may be purely mental, caused by the good fortune of another.
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Body Fortune Goodness Purity Uncomfortable
Fidelity – a virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
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Betrayal Character Cheating Virtue
Scriptures – The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.
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Faith Holy Ourselves Religion Scripture Writing
Aborigines, n.: Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize.
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Country Discover Fertilization Person
ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Blacksmith Cloth Kind Man
Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
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Confession Law Prayer Universe Worth
A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms agains himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first person to be convinced of it.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Convincing Doubt Enemy Man Person
MIND, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavour to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Brain Fact Himself Mindset Mysterious Nature
Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Angry Best Regret Talk Yourself

The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff.

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The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff.

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