What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.
AMBROSE BIERCEPray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Vote: the instrument and symbol of a freeman’s power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.
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In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.
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Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify.
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RUMOR, n. A favorite weapon of the assassins of character.
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Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited.
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ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.
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Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
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Electricity is the power that causes all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else
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Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.
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The covers of this book are too far apart.
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The partisan strife in which the people of the country are permitted to periodically engage does not tend to the development of ugly traits of character, but merely discloses those that preexist.
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Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.
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Democracy is defended in 3 stages. Ballot Box, Jury Box, Cartridge Box.
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April fool, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.
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Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.
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Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.
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MYTHOLOGY, n. The body of a primitive people’s beliefs concerning its origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished from the true accounts which it invents later.
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Mausoleum, n: the final and funniest folly of the rich.
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IMAGINATION, n. A warehouse of facts, with poet and liar in joint ownership.
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War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.
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All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher.
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REFLECTION,n: An Action of the mind whereby we obtain a clearer view of our relation to the things of yesterday and are able to avoid the perils that we shall not again encounter.
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Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.
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Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
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PITY, n. A failing sense of exemption, inspired by contrast.
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Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
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