MYTHOLOGY, n. The body of a primitive people’s beliefs concerning its origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished from the true accounts which it invents later.
AMBROSE BIERCEHe who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity. A fool is a natural proselyte, but he must be caught young, for his convictions, unlike those of the wise, harden with age.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
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Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.
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Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.
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Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.
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Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.
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To the eye of failure success is an accident.
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Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man – who has no gills.
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Perseverance – a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.
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War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.
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Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
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There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don’t know.
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PAIN, n. An uncomfortable frame of mind that may have a physical basis in something that is being done to the body, or may be purely mental, caused by the good fortune of another.
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Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
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Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
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All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher.
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Conversation, n.: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.
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Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
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Electricity is the power that causes all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else
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RUMOR, n. A favorite weapon of the assassins of character.
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Scriptures – The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.
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The partisan strife in which the people of the country are permitted to periodically engage does not tend to the development of ugly traits of character, but merely discloses those that preexist.
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Prescription: A physician’s guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.
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Money. A blessing that is of no advantage to us excepting when we part with it.
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Labor is one of the processes by which A acquires property for B.
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He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity.
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MIND, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavour to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with.
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