“Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.”

An election is nothing more than the advanced auction of stolen goods.

Consul – in American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.

Distance, n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs and keep.

Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.

Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.

Education, n.: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

Electricity is the power that causes all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else

Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.

Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.

RATIONAL, adj. Devoid of all delusions save those of observation, experience and reflection.

In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to their unequal activity.

Labor is one of the processes by which A acquires property for B.

Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.

Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.

Almost everything is like a machine.

Yes, I remember the barbed wire and the guard towers and the machine guns, but they became part of my normal landscape. What would be abnormal in normal times became my normality in camp.

Tact does for life just what lubricating oil does for machinery.

A journalistic purpose could be someone with a Xerox machine in a basement.

I am watching the Earth. The visibility is good. I feel well and cheerful. The machine is functioning normally.

It is unworthy of excellent men to lose hours like slaves in the labor of calculation which could be relegated to anyone else if machines were used.

A tool is usually more simple than a machine; it is generally used with the hand, whilst a machine is frequently moved by animal or steam power.

The world is not a machine. Everything in it is force, life, thought.