“Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.”

Life – a spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.

Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.

Vote: the instrument and symbol of a freeman’s power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.

Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher.

Optimism – the doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.

He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity.

Conversation, n.: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.

April fool, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.

Wine, madam, is God’s next best gift to man.

MIND, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavour to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with.

Optimist – A proponent of the doctrine that black is white.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.

He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity. A fool is a natural proselyte, but he must be caught young, for his convictions, unlike those of the wise, harden with age.

There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don’t know.

Sometimes I wish I was a beautiful machine so I could resist your kiss and not cry when you’re mean.

The human brain is an incredible pattern-matching machine.

Ere many generations pass, our machinery will be driven by a power obtainable at any point of the universe.

It is a mere question of time when men will succeed in attaching their machinery to the very wheelwork of nature.

If you need a machine and don’t buy it, then you will ultimately find that you have paid for it and don’t have it.

Electric power is everywhere present in unlimited quantities and can drive the world’s machinery without the need of coal, oil, gas, or any other of the common fuels.

Machinery should be a blessing to mankind and not a curse.

Gliders, sail planes, they’re wonderful flying machines. It’s the closest you can come to being a bird.