Accordion, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.
AMBROSE BIERCELabor is one of the processes by which A acquires property for B.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
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Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
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Democracy is defended in 3 stages. Ballot Box, Jury Box, Cartridge Box.
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Debt, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.
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Aborigines, n.: Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize.
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Mausoleum, n: the final and funniest folly of the rich.
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Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.
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Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.
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MYTHOLOGY, n. The body of a primitive people’s beliefs concerning its origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished from the true accounts which it invents later.
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April fool, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.
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What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.
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He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity.
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An election is nothing more than the advanced auction of stolen goods.
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Electricity is the power that causes all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else
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There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.
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In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to their unequal activity.
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Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
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Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.
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Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
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Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.
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All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher.
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Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
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Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.
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Alliance – in international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other’s pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.
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Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.
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Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.
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