RUMOR, n. A favorite weapon of the assassins of character.
AMBROSE BIERCEMausoleum, n: the final and funniest folly of the rich.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man – who has no gills.
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What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.
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Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.
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Age, with his eyes in the back of his head, thinks it wisdom to see the bogs through which he has floundered.
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Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one’s own opinion.
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ULTIMATUM, n. In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.
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Alliance – in international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other’s pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.
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Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
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Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white.
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Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.
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Democracy is four wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch.
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ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.
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Life – a spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.
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Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.
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Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.
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Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.
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Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
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Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.
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Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.
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Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited.
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RATIONAL, adj. Devoid of all delusions save those of observation, experience and reflection.
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Fidelity – a virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
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Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.
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Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
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Aborigines, n.: Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize.
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PITY, n. A failing sense of exemption, inspired by contrast.
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