Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.
AMBROSE BIERCEAlliance – in international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other’s pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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REALISM, n. The art of depicting nature as it is seem by toads. The charm suffusing a landscape painted by a mole, or a story written by a measuring-worm.
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MYTHOLOGY, n. The body of a primitive people’s beliefs concerning its origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished from the true accounts which it invents later.
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To the eye of failure success is an accident.
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What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.
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They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid.
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Accordion, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.
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Money. A blessing that is of no advantage to us excepting when we part with it.
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Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one’s own opinion.
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Riot – A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.
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Aborigines, n.: Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize.
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Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify.
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Age, with his eyes in the back of his head, thinks it wisdom to see the bogs through which he has floundered.
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I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.
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Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white.
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History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.
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Labor is one of the processes by which A acquires property for B.
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A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms agains himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first person to be convinced of it.
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Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.
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Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man – who has no gills.
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Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
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Prescription: A physician’s guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.
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In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to their unequal activity.
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Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.
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Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.
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There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don’t know.
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War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.
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