Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man – who has no gills.
AMBROSE BIERCELove: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.
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In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.
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Fidelity – a virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
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Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.
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Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.
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LAWYER, n. One skilled in circumvention of the law.
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A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms agains himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first person to be convinced of it.
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Electricity is the power that causes all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else
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Forgetfulness – a gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.
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April fool, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.
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Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
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Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name.
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Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
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Fear has no brains; it is an idiot.
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War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.
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Money. A blessing that is of no advantage to us excepting when we part with it.
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True, man does not know woman. But neither does woman.
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Education, n.: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
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An election is nothing more than the advanced auction of stolen goods.
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Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white.
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Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.
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Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
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Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
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Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.
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Age, with his eyes in the back of his head, thinks it wisdom to see the bogs through which he has floundered.
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Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.
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