Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.
AMBROSE BIERCEHistory is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Education, n.: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
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MIND, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavour to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with.
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Responsibility, n. A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one’s neighbor. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.
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Scriptures – The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.
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There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don’t know.
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Aborigines, n.: Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize.
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Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.
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Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.
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Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
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RATIONAL, adj. Devoid of all delusions save those of observation, experience and reflection.
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War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.
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Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.
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An election is nothing more than the advanced auction of stolen goods.
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Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.
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He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity. A fool is a natural proselyte, but he must be caught young, for his convictions, unlike those of the wise, harden with age.
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Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.
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Labor is one of the processes by which A acquires property for B.
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Opposition, n. In politics the party that prevents the government from running amuck by hamstringing it.
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Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.
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Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
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I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.
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REFLECTION,n: An Action of the mind whereby we obtain a clearer view of our relation to the things of yesterday and are able to avoid the perils that we shall not again encounter.
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Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
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IMAGINATION, n. A warehouse of facts, with poet and liar in joint ownership.
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Age, with his eyes in the back of his head, thinks it wisdom to see the bogs through which he has floundered.
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Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.
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