History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.
AMBROSE BIERCEThey say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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REFLECTION,n: An Action of the mind whereby we obtain a clearer view of our relation to the things of yesterday and are able to avoid the perils that we shall not again encounter.
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Age, with his eyes in the back of his head, thinks it wisdom to see the bogs through which he has floundered.
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Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
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Life – a spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.
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Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
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What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.
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There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don’t know.
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Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
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Education, n.: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
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Opposition, n. In politics the party that prevents the government from running amuck by hamstringing it.
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Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name.
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You don’t have to be stupid to be a Christian, but it probably helps.
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Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one’s own opinion.
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Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.
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Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.
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Democracy is defended in 3 stages. Ballot Box, Jury Box, Cartridge Box.
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Alliance – in international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other’s pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.
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Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white.
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A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms agains himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first person to be convinced of it.
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Democracy is four wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch.
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MYTHOLOGY, n. The body of a primitive people’s beliefs concerning its origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished from the true accounts which it invents later.
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Money. A blessing that is of no advantage to us excepting when we part with it.
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The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.
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IMAGINATION, n. A warehouse of facts, with poet and liar in joint ownership.
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To the eye of failure success is an accident.
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Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
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